This guy/situation was a confusing mess. The reason you ask? Well, its because I have never experienced a Non-Dater before...well, not since college. I'm thirty-two, I haven't had a guy call and ask to "hang out"....and really mean "hang out" in about 10 years.
The background....We met at volleyball months ago. We have always flirted a little bit, but nothing has ever come of it. Mostly because I never took him too seriously... and apparently he is a Non-dater.
One night during a game...he started flirting pretty heavily. And when I say flirting, I mean I was worried he was going to start pulling my hair and kicking me. His flirting skills are a bit old fashion....as in infantile. After the game, we had a drink and talked. He calmed down a little, and was making me laugh. At the end of the night, he asked if he could call me to hang out sometime. I said sure. At the time, I had a feeling this would go nowhere...but I do believe sometimes you have to try new things. Obviously who I currently go for, isn't working...so what the Heck. And truthfully, I figured, worse case scenario...its research.
So, he called. He asked when I had time to get together. I gave him a few options....and he chose a Sunday night. The truth is, I could care less about football. I like my men tall and lean...so Ill stick to basketball. But, The Non-Dater is a huge football fan, and probably should have chosen another day...but he said he wanted to see me. I guess he figured it didn't matter that he spent the whole day drinking..because he planned to continue that through the date...excuse me, Non-date.
Before we met up, i called to see what the plans were. He was obviously at a bar...I asked him if he wanted to get together a different night...he said no. So, I asked him what we were doing. He said, "what do you want to do?".... I said "I want you to make the decision...make a plan, be the man". So he suggested we meet at a local sports bar. How thoughtful!
At this point, I was regretting my decision to go out with him. I would rather go home and sleep. But, I made a commitment....(even if it was partially just to this blog...your welcome!)
I show up at the bar...he is drunk. We go sit down. I told him, he should have chosen a different night to see me. I then asked him what we were doing...Are we just hanging out as friends, are we on a date? He said he doesn't like to label things, and that we are just hanging out to determine if we want to go on a date. What? As far as I'm concerned, we hang out at volleyball. He is that scared of commitment, that he wont even commit to a date? He said, "dates" have too high of expectations...that you only have one shot to make an impression, and that it is stupid to put all of that pressure on each other. I said, "whatever dude"...He said, I'm not a "dude", I am a "man". I told him I would call him a man when he actually asks me out on a date.
After talking a bit more, it came down to the risk of rejection. He didn't want to take that risk, so he would rather hang out and see where things go. I did this in college, but now, I am a grown woman, and I want a man that is willing to take that risk for me!
So, sorry Non-Dater, your fear of rejection, just lost you any chance at all.