I have realized that I am one of the scary women. I apparently scare men! So, I read a book to fix this. A book dedicated to the reasons men run away. I think it is very important to understand yourself...and your tactics.
In my experience, the guys I want to scare away...stick around. The guys I would like to keep around... run away crying (this might be an exaggeration). So, what am I doing? Is it what I say? My expressions?
There have been men interested in me, that I have no intentions on seeing again, and I have tried desperately to scare off. I have told them about my decaying ovaries. I have told them that I want to have kids yesterday. I have gone as far as to let them know how fat I will probably get when I have kids...My ass will look pregnant too. But, to my dismay., these men remain steady in their desire to date me. What? Is it my overall demeanor telling them I have no interest...is it the challenge?
On the flip side, there have been men I am interested in...and I play the game. (Obviously from this blog, you know this is not always the case...but I swear, I've done it! ). I make sure to not always call, even when I want to...I wait to hear from them. My problem is that sometimes, I do hear from them....lots. But even then, I'm careful not to mention how my life plan has failed. I'm careful not to mention that I never imagined being 34 and single...and more importantly, childless. I keep those thoughts to myself.
So, what's the issue?
As I mentioned. ?.I read a book. It pointed out a median of issues that could be the problem. Issues other than appearances. It pointed out just how many issues I have overall. The biggest being what I call the "Crash and Burn". This is summed up as moving to fast...falling head over heels...over night. You fall in love with the idea of someone, before even knowing who they really are. My last relationship falls in this category. I think most people show their best side in the beginning. They are running on Cupid's adrenaline. In the beginning, everything is covered in glitter, tastes like wine, (or Captain Morgan), and feels like a Tempur Pedic. After a few months, the glitter becomes dirt, the wine becomes old milk, and the Tempur Pedic becomes a tile floor. ?.and you wonder what on earth happened. This is my issue.
So...how do I fix this? The book suggests slowing things down. Don't spend every day with your perfect love. Don't jump to conclusions about how perfect they are. Pause, breathe, and keep in mind they have flaws...and in time (basically, three months) you will see them.
Ok, great advice... but, what about the dreamers? What about the people like me, that live only with the right side of their brain? The advice makes sense...but how do you change who you are? I've never been logical, or organized, or practical! How do I all of a sudden do this? When you are a dreamer, how can you possibly imagine glitter ever looking like dirt?
I think it's a change of focus. Even dirt can have sparkly flecks. A tile floor can feel amazing when it's hot. ? And well, old milk is never good. But maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there that may turn out to be water, instead of wine. And, although it can be disappointing at first. ?..who can survive on just wine?