Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Friend Look-A-Like a Rear End

You never want to date someone that looks like a friend…especially when that friend is a girl…well, at least not when you are interested in men!

You will never believe this, but I met The Friend Look-A-Like online. In pictures, he didn’t look like a girl. In person, it was uncanny. I caught myself trying to bring up inside jokes…or about to call him by her name. That would have been awkward! And to be completely honest…He looked like a friend that just wouldn’t be my type, even if women were my thing. So it was destined to fail before I even got that first sip of my vanilla latte.

Well, Truth be told, it was destined to fail from first phone conversation. He used the word “rear end”! “the first iron man I did, really kicked my rear end.” There is nothing "iron" or "man" about that phrase! Who does that, who says that? There are a million way to refer to ones “rear end”, and yet, I find “rear end” the most offensive. Are you talking to me like a child? Do I not get to be a part of the grown up conversation? As someone that tends to speak like a drunken sailor…I find the use of  “rear end” highly unnatural. This is not how I like to communicate. Maybe, just maybe, if he was a kindergarten teacher or a priest (actually, you never want a priest to use any form of “rear end” ever!), this would be acceptable! But, he was neither…he is a nurse (or murse)…and one that deals with adults, not children. I cant even imagine being sick in his care… “This might sting in your rear end”…ugh Horrifying! Which I guess is a bit unfair to say…because even “this might sting in your butt” would be tragic too, but a bit less tragic, don’t ya think?

During our first, and only, phone conversation, he used “rear end” at least five times..which, ironically enough, he did not say once during out coffee date. Maybe, rear ends just didn’t come up? Or maybe, my extensive use of “ass” and ‘F’ bomb dropping made him question himself? Maybe it made him realize how much classier you sound using profanity! I’m sure that is what happened.

The Friend Look Alike was nice…but sometimes things just cant work. I mean, I am a classy ASS broad, and well….he just looks like this chick I know!
Ugh, Dating!


  1. Jerry would expect nothing less than for you to speak like a drunken sailor.
    Sweet, I didn't know my swearing made me classy. I just thought it was fun to colorfully express myself.

  2. Marc, why are you such a pain in the rear end?