Here is a blog, written and experienced by a friend of mine. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did. And, if you would also like to share a comical experience of your own, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
So here it is..the story of GG....
Good Guy (GG)
I met GG at a bar on a night where I was dressed like a pirate. Yes, a pirate. The singles club I’m in was holding its annual Pirate Treasure Hunt which is a loose translation for “drunken pub crawl in which you get to look and act ridiculous.” Exactly my kind of party. Well, the ridiculous part, anyway.
As I’m hanging with my girlfriends, I feel a tap on my shoulder. GG said something along the lines of ‘when I saw you walk in, I had to come over and meet you.’ I believe I gave him a visible eye roll. Having come fresh out of a ‘relationship’ (I use quotes because I don’t even know what to call it) where I had been lied to pretty consistently, I wasn’t in the mood to hear a bad line. I mean, it was bad enough that about an hour before I met GG, I had been crying in the previous bar having heard more things that I had been lied to about from a guy I will affectionately refer to as “I thought you were ‘the one’, but you’re really an effing douche bag.” We’ll call him DB for short.
So GG wasn’t in the greatest of spots to try to win me over. But I had a good buzz going so I thought, okay, I’ll talk to this guy for a while. As we’re chatting, my friend and famous blogger, makes the observation that he looks like Bruce Willis. He kind of did! So I’m talking to Mr. Willis and we’re having a pretty good chat for me being slightly intoxicated. We exchange numbers and he promises to text me the next day. I mentally told myself that I wouldn’t hold my breath.
But lo and behold, I get a nice text the next day saying he hoped that we all got home safely and that he’d like to take me to dinner sometime. Cool. Says he’ll call me later. Again, I figure that’s his code for blowing me off and I would just continue with my regularly scheduled program of doing my own thing. I’ll be damned if he didn’t call. I had been on Facebook posting pictures of the cruise I had just taken, being careful not to include any with douche bag and being reminded of every lie he told me on that trip. I hate when people ask me about that trip. The best answer I can come up with is “it’s almost as if it never happened.” It’s the most truth I can give without throwing him under the bus although I’m not sure why I care about protecting him.
Oh yeah, that’s right. We’re talking about GG.
Anyway, my conversation with GG was a little short because I think he could sense that I was distracted. So he says he’ll call me on Wednesday. In the meantime, I noticed that he’s not an over texter…a great relief. I honestly wasn’t giving this guy much thought. Going through the emotions of the break-up I had just encountered seemed to be taking up most of my time. I think I would have been annoyed getting all sorts of texts throughout the day. On Wednesday, true to form, he calls. We make plans to go out that Friday. I wish I could say I was excited. But I felt nothing. And sadly, I knew going in that it wasn’t going to go anywhere. But as my friend told me, “go and let someone be nice to you…you need that right now.” She was right. So when Friday rolled around and all I wanted to do was sleep, I mustered the energy to meet GG in Old Town Scottsdale.
He picked a nice place – I was impressed. We meet there and get into the parking lot at practically the same time. When I get out of my car, I noticed he’s changing his shoes. He apologizes and says that if he had his way, he’d never wear shoes. Not a good start. I have never been a barefoot walker. I love my precious (and I do mean precious…I could be a foot model) feet and the thought of anything making them look or feel anything but uncomfortable in a cute pair of shoes is a no-no. J The only exception to that rule is playing volleyball in the sand. I’ll take the scratched up pedi for the love of the game. No worries. I can always put another clear coat on later.
But I digress.
So as GG is changing his shoes and explaining how he picked the place, I notice something I had not before. Was that a lisp? Wait for it…yep. Indeed. Subtle. But I come from a family that can immediately zero in on any person’s quirk and then imitate it. Seriously. It’s a wonder that I have any self-esteem at all with the way my brother makes fun of me. But I can’t help it. It’s been a way of life so long that even taking a short glimpse into my future, my very first thought is no way he could ever meet my brother. Sad.
Then, as we’re walking to go in the restaurant, I notice something else. Was he that short last week? I mean, he did just put his shoes ON, right? Ok, so here it goes. I find that I give my heart pretty openly, and once I’m committed to someone, I can overlook all of their quirks. But if I had my druthers, I would never date anyone who wasn’t 3-4 inches taller than me…in heels. There is something extremely comforting about my head landing in a man’s chest when he hugs me. If a guy is my height or shorter, I inevitably feel like I’m bear hugging him. No joke. Ugh. I want to go home.
But I stick it out. So we sit. I’m going to make the best of this date dammit. So I put on the best smile I can and we begin to chat. As we do, I get a nice little waft of something. Mmmm. That smells so good. Where do I know that smell? I believe I stopped talking mid-sentence. Same cologne as DB. #$%@#%$#%@#$%$#%@#%#$. So much for taking my mind off of him. Focus, Belinda. You can do this. So I push away all of the images that scent is bringing back from the cruise ship where I was told so many lies. “It’s almost as if it didn’t happen….” I kept telling myself.
So our server makes her appearance, hands us our menus and introduces herself to us. Yeah. Same name of DB’s ex who I’m sure he went back to after me…again. It was the piece of information I had been crying about a week earlier in my pirate gear. Mother f**ker. Am I not supposed to have a nice night out?!?!
I excuse myself for the restroom. It’s a little early in the date to be making a bathroom break. I hadn’t even sipped my water yet. But I had to brush off the crap that was lingering in my thoughts. After a few deep breaths and a quick little tissue fix from where my eyes had begun to tear, I hold my head up and go back out to Mr. Shorty, Lispy Willis, aka GG.
I give him my best effort. He tells me about his hiking trips, his outdoorsy adventures, how he is practically tied at the hip to his dog, how he’s in construction, how he’s kind of a loner, how he had never been ready for anything serious before, but he knew exactly what he wanted now, etc. Mind you, he wasn’t saying these things as if I were the person he wanted to be with (unlike DB). He was talking in general. One of my beliefs is that I don’t want to be with someone who needs me for them to be happy. I want someone who is happy in and of themselves and WANTS to share that with me. GG said something very similar. So here he is. A good guy who knows exactly what he wants. And I couldn’t be any less interested.
I begin telling him a little about me. The crazy costume/flash mob that I did on the cruise with my friends, my love of adventure, my extroverted personality and my princess-y nature (if you know me, you know that I spend a lot of time working out…in a gym. I am not really a hiker or a camper or anything involving the outdoors unless it’s sunbathing or a group sport of some kind).
Oh, so one more thing. When I met him, I asked him his sign. I know, I know. It’s cliche. But I’m big on astrology and believe there are right and wrong matches. My past 2 failed relationships were a huge testament as to why you should not defy astrology. So when he tells me he’s a Virgo, I’m kind of put off. My dad is a Virgo. Even though we get along just fine, every single Virgo man I have ever met (even in my own family) has been cheap. Hmm. Maybe I should say stingy. You’re not going to get these guys to part with their money very easily. They may save up and get something they really want, and it will be very nice, guaranteed. But that is a rare occurrence. I’m in no way a gold-digger. But it sure would be nice to meet someone who wouldn’t mind taking the reins in the financial dept. for once.
So, we converse fairly well through dinner. He picks up the check (waves my wallet away when I begin to open it). I think, well, perhaps I’m wrong about him. Or perhaps it’s a first date and he’s got his best foot forward. As we walk out of the restaurant, I see him remove $5 from the tab, on the sly. Really dude? But, again, another example of why I trust astrology.
He’s not really sure what to do next, so he suggests we walk around Old Town until we find something suitable. I’m wearing fairly comfortable shoes, so I agree. After 3 blocks, we end up across the short street from where we had dinner and choose to sit in the balcony of a restaurant. Neither of us order a drink, except for some water. I had half a mojito at dinner and decided that I needed to be ready to drive because this date was going nowhere.
As he’s talking about a construction job, I zone out. I don’t mind him talking about work, but it seemed that he never did a single interesting thing in his life. I know this because I asked him what was the most interesting thing he had ever done. By the way, he repelled 800 ft. Pretty cool, I do admit, but he had done this 2 weekends before. Seriously? Your most interesting moment JUST happened? Oh and by the way, that repel was paired with an overnight camping trip. I stifled a yawn.
When I tell him I have to get going, he asks if we can do this again. I said GG, thank you for a great evening. I don’t want to impede your search. You sound like you know exactly what you want, but we are too different. Go find your girl. I’m not her. He looked visibly pissed, but I felt there was no sense in wasting any more of our time. After I had to explain why we wouldn’t work (seriously, you can’t see the differences??), he walked me to my car. I was clutching on to my purse and I walked by him and said “Thanks!” and got in. I have to admit, it might have been a little humiliating for him had anyone been watching. But I never felt the urge to touch him or be next to him, let alone kiss him good night.
So I drove home, singing ‘brokenhearted girl’ songs , wishing GG all the best and telling myself that I will not go on another date until I could give it my best. It’s just not fair to anyone to be hung up on someone else while trying to make something new happen. That last statement was written strategically for me and a little someone I call DB.