Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Compulsive Liar

He only told the truth about the things most people would lie about…
I met The Compulsive Liar online…ofcourse.  We went from initial contact, to talking, to meeting in two days. I knew from our first conversation that I would probably fall for him…I also had a feeling that I shouldn’t.  He was a smart-ass, exactly what I tend to go for.
We met at a bar for our first date. I was smitten as soon as I saw him. He was cute and looked great in his jeans. More importantly though… he made me laugh.  We talked about tons of things, like how much he loves his job, and that he had only been to one wedding, and that he made a point to watch Judge Judy everyday. It was a great date. I went home extra smiley. And then…he called me the next day…and everyday after that…until the end.
One week into dating him, he asked me to come over and meet his brother. I told him I wasn’t ready for that step yet. Meeting the family is a big deal! A few days later, he asked me if I would like to have dinner with him, I said yes…and then he said “great, because I already told my brother you were coming, and it would be rude to cancel.” Ugh, really? He trapped me! So, I went… and absolutely loved his family. They were funny and sweet…but definitely gave me a hard time…jokingly.
The next week, he wanted me to meet his friends… on the way out, in the car, he told me that he had a porn addiction. He told me that it was no longer a problem. Ah…what? What do you say to that? Not to mention, the internal conversation I had with myself…”Uh, is he going to try to slap me in the face with his business…(yes, I said business)? Am I gonna have to get implants? When he brings me dinner, am I going to have to say “I have no money to tip you…maybe I could repay you another way…wink wink”.  I am not a fan of porn…I don’t like the unrealistic expectations it places on sex…especially if someone is so obsessed with it, that his family and friends had an intervention… but, I just ignored it…put it in the back of my mind. I mean, everything else about him was wonderful…he liked spending time with me, he made me laugh, he would tell me that I am beautiful….wonderful…. I thought…
Although, it was weird… so many things he told me, later would come up different. On our first date, he told me he had been to one wedding… a month into dating, somehow it came up that he had been to three. There were a ton of little discrepancies like this…but I really didn’t think anything of it. I mean, who lies about such useless things! Especially, someone that told me about his porn addiction (which I probably would have never found out about), and many other personal details that I don't feel right sharing...even without using his name. But, lets just say...he told me quite a few things that many guys lie about...all things, I would not have known immediately.
After two weeks, he asked me to be exclusive. I said no. My last relationship went from meeting to living together in two months… I didn’t want to rush anything…and then, I felt like a jerk. I didn’t want to date anyone else. I'm not good at dating multiple people. So I agreed. And then, everything was going great. We got along perfectly. He was not perfect, by any means, but I liked him…a lot. In fact, everyone that met him, loved him.
It all started down hill one day, when we were hanging out at my house. I went to check my Facebook messages. My computer, automatically logs me in…I had no idea, he had even used my computer… I went to my messages, and clicked on someone random…didn’t know who it was…and apparently, I was in his account. It was messaging back and forth, between him and some girl. He was telling her that he still thinks about her, and wants to get together, etc. At this point, we had been dating for about two months. I asked him about…and showed him what I found. I told him, if he wanted to date her...he could. I'm not about to hold him back. I don't want someone that wants someone else. He then admitted that he had never been faithful. He said, nothing happened, and that he felt terrible. He said, he really wanted to be a better person. He said, he really wants to be with me. And, because I am stupid…I forgave him….but didn’t fully trust him.
A couple days later….after feeling sick to my stomach…I checked online. He had told me (without me asking) that he took down his dating profile…so I decided to take a look. Not only, was his profile still up…but he had been online that day. So I broke up with him.
A few days passed...and he texted me. He said he was sorry, he said that I dont deserve to be treated that way. He said lots of things... and again, I forgave him. I mentioned I am stupid right?
About a month later, I caught him in the same old lies... but this time, I didn't forgive him.
I still sometimes think about him…and sadly enough, miss him…the good parts anyways. And I still don’t understand… he was sweet to me, and genuinely seem to care about me. He saved the receipt from our first date…he said he kept it, because he knew he would be with me. He wanted to show me off to his friends and family. He wanted to be around me all the time. He told me all of the horrible things he went through as a child, and all the things he hoped for in the future. He cried to me about these things. 
So…did he use me to make an ex jealous? Was he just a player? Or did he genuinely care?
The truth is…I hope to meet someone like him again…just lacking the porn addictions, the white lies, and the troubled heart!
Ugh, Dating!


  1. Hi, I can relate to dating a liar and empathise.

    I met a guy recently who flaked on our first date as he said his dad had a heart attack. I had questioned a few things he had already said earlier in the week that didn't ring quite true but wished him well and told him to get back in touch with me and let me know how his dad was.

    Two weeks later he emailed me and said he had lost his phone so he couldn't ring. He also said his dad had died. He even said he had trouble finding my email address, even though we emailed each other about 15 times and he would have had it from messaging on the dating site. Again, it didn't add up.

    Fast forward, we meet, we get on quite well and he is fairly attractive, although more overweight than average (which is what his profile said). Still it isn't a deal breaker. He tells me how gorgeous I am, so much so it became slightly creepy. We had a second meet up and he dropped me back at my house, only to come around uninvited a few days later. This was another red flag.

    All of a sudden he complains that his phone isn't working properly again and he can only email and not text or ring.

    By this point, I figure it is all a load of rubbish. Even about his dad dying, which is a terrible lie to tell.

    I emailed him last night to tell him that I knew he wasn't being honest with me and that I wouldn't be contacting him again.

    Why do people do this stuff? What is to gain?

    All the best and I hope you do find a good guy.


  2. I can relate too. My ex and I were together for a year and I caught him in so many dumb lies (but never confronted him). Most of them were ways to manipulate or control my feelings and/or make himself look better. He started off agreeing and praising me for my choices and values and by the end of the relationship he turned all of it around on me me, distorted the truth and listed the things he uses to support about me as reasons to leave me. He

    His stories don't add up and are one-sided and change. He is grossly delusional and has all these grandiose ideas that are crazy. But he tells the truth about core things like where he went to school, that he is divorced...anything that can be verified.

    He broke up with me and immediately was on Match. com with a profile that lies about his income (he has none at the moment), his ex-wife and his activities.

    He is truly sick.