Saturday, August 20, 2011

My Future Husband

So, the problem with telling everyone that you met your future husband is that when he hasn’t called in 3 days, people are always there to ask how it’s going… and all you can say is that you were wrong. Your gut feeling was apparently just your actively decaying uterus masquerading as your gut, telling you that this is the one…in hopes that something/ someone will work, at least long enough to get a baby out of it. This is where my uterus and I disagree. I don’t want just a baby, I want the whole package (and guys, if you are actually reading this…when I say package, I am not talking about your tickle get your mind out of the gutter).
Part of my problem, is that I show my true self from the beginning, and I assume (I know, ass out of ‘U’ and ‘me’) that everyone else does too. So when a guy presents themselves as a good person, I believe them. But I have to say, it seems few guys even care to make the effort to pretend in the beginning. Most of them know they can get away with being an ass. Many girls go for that, but not me. I have never been the one to go for the jerk. I always fall for the guy that seems like a genuinely nice person….and then when I have already fallen for them, their true colors come out.
Now don’t get me wrong…I don’t know if my future husband is a bad guy, or if he is just not in the right place, or if it’s his job, or if I am just not the girl. And maybe, I should take a little accountability. Maybe, I just keep dating the guys that are sort of in to me… not totally in to me. And maybe, I should stop calling him my future husband….especially to his face.
So, I guess it is time to move on… we have only been on 3 dates, and I am already getting divorced. They weren’t kidding, divorce really is prevalent.
Now, I know what you’re thinking… “It’s only been 3 dates, and she is freaking out about not getting a phone call for 3 days”. And to answer your question, Yes, I am freaking out about it! I know right away if I like someone, it’s black or white, yes or no.  If, I am a ‘yes’ for him too… then how could he possible go for 3 days without hearing my glorious voice and my sometimes, almost funny stories? I am just not a good dater. I don’t know how to play the game.
But here it goes again….
So, anyways, welcome to my blog.
 I have been intending (by request of friends and family) to start this blog and begin sharing the terribly tragic and entertaining dates I have been on, for quite some time. And now, here it is 3am in the morning, and I am suddenly wide awake, filled with thoughts…and decided to share them.
Ugh, dating!


  1. Love it, save the future husband discussion for the LUCKY #7 date, by that time he'll be so enamored by you that your words will be gospel to him.

  2. Ah yes - The games we boys play. Chief among them, the ole "Wait at least 2 days before calling so she don't think I'm THAT into her." As a former bad boy currently in training to be a Good Man know that when a boy is hit by colpo di fulmine, all the games and rules go away.
    Dr. Livingston, I look forward to your adventures and exploits on your happy husband hunting. As the great and wise Vince Vaughn once told me in the movie Swingers "You are the Bear and you're so Money." So fly, be free and follow your uterus in the pursuit of your perfect package.

  3. Love it Chelsea....As always you are entertaining. I will enjoy looking to the adventures of dating woes and hopefully sooner than later your Mr. Right will be in your life.

  4. i hope so too....thanks vicki!

  5. So we have 2 opposite poles, Chelsea's uterus screaming at her ... and mine screaming STOP! On on the other end of dating where I've raised my babies and now all the men want is a nurse maid or to be babied. Uhg!!! How about last night's date who had recently 'maybe' had a heart attack, what doctor doesn't know if that has happened!!! All he wanted to do was sit around and talk about his medical problems. Was that suppose to endure me to him, am I suppose fantisize about have a hot and heavy makeout session and all of a sudden, instead laying back in awe, I'm dialing 911. So I'm there with Chels, need to get them while you're young so they won't die in your arms.

  6. Love the start of your new blog! The background is pretty too! I am looking forward to hear the joyous, tragic, and mostly amusing stories! I added you to my "following" list (I think, I know what that is). Will likely add a smile to my face!

  7. Thanks Theresa!


  8. Wow! What's going on with THESE types you have so eloquently described here? Thank goodness for humor!