Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Welcome to the danger….I mean, friend zone!

I don’t really know what was wrong with Mr. Friend Zone...maybe, just lack of chemistry? I just never had any desire to kiss him…and if I wanted to date someone that I never wanted to kiss, I would go for a woman… ideally a woman that loves to cook and clean. That would be awesome!

I met Mr. Friend Zone online (like I even have to say this…). We talked for hours on the phone. We had quite a bit in common, and have the same sense of humor. We covered a lot of territory before we even met. I knew his interests, his job, about his family, his political preferences, how he got his dog….like I said…lots of territory was covered. This just made it stressful to meet… I mean, what are we going to talk about? I had already used every question that came to mind. I even started looking up first date questions online. (Yes…this is true). Sure, I could use more of those questions…but what if I can’t remember them because I’m nervous? It would look ridiculous to have a note sheet on a date (maybe I should cheat and write notes on my hand).These are all reasons why I like to meet sooner than later. You get all worked up, and excited…and then you meet, and there is no chemistry. What a waste of emotions!

And I did waste all those emotions...but I think it is understandable. I mean, Mr. Friend Zone actually called. He would text, but not too much...and never once sent me a picture of himself that said "in case you don't know already, I love you like a fat kid loves cake". (yes, this happened, and no, I hadn't even met the guy yet...and yes,  I'm still a bit traumatized). So, of course I was excited to meet him!

Our first date, we went to coffee. It was a Friday night. We met pretty late because I had boot camp…and obviously needed to shower before-hand. I can smell myself after boot camp…and well, it’s just not pleasant. 

So, anyways we went to coffee. Everything seemed fine. He was cute. Not entirely my type…but I have dated (and fallen for) lots of guys that weren’t.  We talked. Conversation seemed to go okay. There were times where he would say “so…what else?”  Uh…I don’t know. This is what I was worried about. I mean, I am a talker…but there is only so much I can do. But, luckily I studied that question list, and could throw out a few topics here and there, and rev the conversation back up. 

He seemed to be very expressive, and animated… except towards me. He never made one attempt to make any physical connection. I don’t want him to start molesting me…but isn’t it normal to try to touch someone that you’re interested in?  You know, like laughing and touching the persons arm…or whatever lame excuse you can use. He kept his distance. But at the same time, I could tell he was interested. It was weird. Or maybe, it’s just that I tend to be more affectionate. 

 We ended up closing the coffee shop down (I know…party animals!), and moved outside. Which meant that I would have to pee in ten minutes…just cause that’s how my bladder works (at the most inconvenient times). So, about fifteen minutes (thanks for the extra five, bladder) after they locked the doors, I told Mr. Friend Zone that I need to use the restroom and wondered if they would let me in. So we knocked on the door, and did the universal “pee-pee dance”. They wouldn’t open the door… so, we tried Chipoodle (or as some call it, Chipotle), next door… same thing. Mr. Friend Zone was getting agitated. He kept saying (well, yelling) that we don’t want food; we just need to use the bathroom.  I told him that it’s no big deal…we can walk across the parking lot to the fast food restaurant. He still seemed agitated.  Fortunately, lady luck was on our side…and the place was open…. Phew! But, I got to say, I was a bit concerned with how agitated he got. Is this a red flag? It’s hard with blind dates… who knows. Maybe he was upset because he wanted to make sure I was taken care of? Every other aspect of him seemed to be very passive. He seemed to be a caretaker. But, regardless, I decided it was time to say goodnight. I gave him a hug. He asked to see me again. I said yes. I was still hanging on to the first impression...too bad, that was all on the phone. We should just date long distance. Well, pretend to...because he lives fifteen minutes from me... but, I'm sure that would get old.... Anyways...

The next day, he called and asked me to dinner. He suggested LoLo’s. I thought this was a strange date place, but I had been wanting to try it…so it worked for me. Although, again, I was stressed about the conversation aspect. I was getting drained on working so hard. I’m not sure if he was just tough to talk to, or if we just covered too much already. And without creating new memories, all you have is the old ones. 

 I just wished he would have suggested some sort of activity…like the gun club. That would have been perfect. No talking, an excuse for touch (him showing me how to shoot the gun), and then something to talk about later. (I know now, to just suggest these things).

But dinner it was. And it was amazing! Best chicken and waffle ever! But the company was…ugh.

After dinner, we went to coffee again. (He doesn’t drink…which was maybe part of the problem). We talked for an hour and then I told him I had to get going to meet up with some friends. He walked me to my car, gave me a hug, and lingered. I think he wanted to kiss me…but he was standing three feet away…and I’m not going to do the work for him. So, it was awkward, I said goodbye. 

He called me the next day to ask me out again. I told him that he deserves the respect of me being honest (after all, he really did seem like a nice guy). I told him that I didn’t think we were a great match. That I didn’t think we had chemistry (although…I couldn’t really know because he never got close enough for me to tell). He handled it like a champ, and told me to call him if I change my mind.

I don’t know what the problem is. I don’t know if I’m holding out for someone perfect. Although, I think it is sad that dating has gotten so depressing, that I really wanted to make Mr. Friend Zone work. I wanted to make it work because he was a gentleman…but ultimately…I need the spark!

Ugh, Dating!


  1. Sounds like my Toad #2. Nice guy. Multiple chances. No spark. Only mine ended with a "trial" kiss and him asking me to come back to his place to ***. Ugh!

    The spark is VERY important. Hang tight girl. One is coming your way.

  2. One of my friends met a guy off an internet dating site and she "felt zero chemistry and no attraction". Because they got along okay she ended up seeing him again awhile later and long story short, they are married & preg with baby #2 on the way... just sayin'

  3. First, the "universal pee-pee dance?" How do you come up with this? Funny Honey!!

    Second, I'm with anonymous. Sounds like you got along but pressured yourself with the need for constant conversation! He sounds shy. Sometimes, it may be worth being the one with the first move? What do you think?